


I Won't Say I'm In Love

by Crazyaniknowit



Series: My Levihan Headcanon [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Complete, Continuation of Thinking, Drown in it, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Levi's POV, Memories, SO MUCH FLUFF, discussions of pregnancy, getting caught in the rain, levihan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 16:48:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7765606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyaniknowit/pseuds/Crazyaniknowit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>~ Speaking of years past...</p><p>His thoughts drift unwittingly back to what she had been saying before he had coaxed her into bed (or more accurately: his pants). And he hums in amusement at the first memory to pop up in his mind. ~ </p><p>Continuation of Thinking. Levi's POV and some reminiscing from him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Won't Say I'm In Love

**Author's Note:**

> After a little prodding from my readers I made a sequel! 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it as much as the first.

The rain still patters against the window, accompanied by the occasional thunderclaps and the heavy breaths of an exhausted couple. Hanji stands briefly to pull her underwear back on, and takes a brush to her hair as she sits back down on the mattress. Levi eyes her sweaty, glistening back, admiring the soft contours of muscle beneath her skin and the occasional scar that mars it here and there.

He remembers with an amused shake of his head how she got that one jagged, crescent scar that runs under her shoulderblade, curling around and just barely reaching the skin of her breast. Clumsy as she sometimes is, it wasn't surprising to him to hear she tripped over her own gear in the barracks. And those Titan-killing blades left her with a nice little reminder to always watch her step. It was honestly a little funny, _she_ thinks so - at least - she tells the tale to the new recruits when she gets the chance.

She tugs his shirt on, having learned her lesson ages ago about the dangers of skin-on-skin in post-coital cuddling. And he scoots to the side as she climbs back into bed, snuggling into the crook of his arm. Her finger immediately trails unknown designs on his skin, and she leans up to press her lips to his jaw. "No pants tonight?" she teases.

He raises a brow and looks at her, "Can't be bothered." he mutters, rolling onto his side and tugging the blanket over his waist to preserve his modesty, lest someone decide to barge in unexpectedly.

"Fine by me." she snakes her arm around his waist and tugs him into a spooning position. He peers at her over his shoulder in disgruntlement, but gives in quite easily. He's used to her being the big spoon after so many years together. And he sighs as he shamelessly shifts closer. Used to it, as after all, his side of the bed is on the right, and he's always been most comfortable sleeping on his right side. So since he usually faces away from her, she resolved a indeterminate amount of years back to spoon him nearly every night.

Speaking of years past...

His thoughts drift unwittingly back to what she had been saying before he had coaxed her into bed (or more accurately: his pants). And he hums in amusement at the first memory to pop up in his mind.

•

•

For Levi, his interest in Hanji began only a couple years after meeting her. And she was more than receptive when he decided to act on his interests. Although when he first met her he _had_ thought she was a man, she was so tall and flat-chested. As such, he was not attracted in the slightest. But a few squad-mates soon dismissed that notion.

 _"That Hanji sure is something. She's downright_ crazy _sometimes, did you see her jump at that titan? Suicidal." Peter, a very old squad leader, part of his third squad, had been saying that night after dinner._

_Levi paused, the cloth he had pressed to his blade halting with him, "She?"_

_Peter turned to him, along with his other three squad mates: Brianne, Jim, and Dominic. "What?" Peter asked._

_"Did you say_ she? _Hanji?"_

_"Yeah, why?"_

_Levi looked at him incredulously, raising a brow._

_"Oh my God." Brianne burst into laughter, doubling over, and Levi didn't exactly appreciate the action, but he let it slide._

_Dominic chuckled, "Levi, are you saying that you think Hanji is a guy?"_

_Levi blinked, embarrassment creeping up on him, but he only showed his usual, dull, careless expression on the outside, "Yes."_

_All four of them were laughing now, a long, ridiculous fit of laughing that had him glaring in absolute irk, he honestly didn't see what was so funny._

_Peter wheezed, wiping his eyes and straightening, exhaling exaggeratedly and planting his hands on his hips, "Levi-" he began, stifling a giggle, "-Hanji's a girl."_

He had felt really bad about it. But, of course, he remembers well that he didn't show it, he simply lifted his shoulders in a half-hearted shrug. However, since that day, he couldn't help but let himself notice her more often. It started out as tentative looks, because - after all, even with the knowledge that she is a female - she was filthy and disorganized, far too dirty for his tastes.

But once or twice, a feminine giggle would catch his attention during dinner at the mess hall, and it's source was the one and only Hanji Zoë. The sound soon started to stir something within him. Alongside that, she let her hair loose sometimes when she was outside with the horses. And he denies it to this day: the fact that he stopped more than once to stare at the surprisingly alluring sight. From then on it was a downward spiral.

He'd never admit it aloud, but he didn't bother hiding it from himself, he had a crush.

Of course she noticed eventually, or she just never said anything until that day in the library. And it took everything he had to keep their relationship as simple as it had been from the beginning. Needless to say: it didn't work out so well. But when you walk in on a woman you can't help but admire when she's fresh out of the shower, undressed and slick with steam, it happens.

Especially if you're a clean freak like he is. It was twice the turn on in his case.

One tantalizing taste of her lips had him aching for another, and another, coupled with the feel of her scarred, smoothly sculpted skin. And soon enough he was unabashedly addicted to her, addicted to her lips, her eyes, the way she grins, the way she talks, the way her spine arches when he drags his open-mouthed kisses across her sternum. He became addicted to her mere existence in a sense. And then she asked him to make love to her...

He's never been a highly emotional man, and the fact that she made him want to feel emotions again rocks him to the core. He was as virgin as she most obviously was that night, only having had experience in snogging, but she didn't need to know that. At least not right away. They were both nervous, and that was one of the few comforts of that night.

That's not to say he didn't enjoy it. Far from it, as a matter of fact. It was just a whole new thing about her to become addicted to. Then, afterwards, as they both lay beside one another and caught their breath, and she asked what they were...

He can't deny that he wanted to say lovers right off the bat. But that might have sent the wrong message, so he opted for friends. And she seemed a little short with him following those words.

He realized then, that along with opening a new chapter in their physical relationship, they'd be opening a new chapter in their brand-new emotional relationship as well.

Levi and emotions don't usually go well hand-in-hand.

He was afraid to care about her. If he was honest with himself. The last people he had cared about died, he wasn't there to protect them. And Hanji...she's more reckless than any of the squad members he has ever had. He's seen titan jaws close around the space she occupied only a mere second too late. As of late, it terrifies him. But she just bounces around and cackles and whoops at the beasts before she brings her blades down upon their necks.

She was - and still is - crazy.

Yet, despite his determination not to put words to what he was slowly growing to feel for her, it eventually happened. And after that he willingly let himself sink into the pit he had been trying to keep out of since he first thought she was "-slightly pretty". He'd been trying so hard not to let it happen, that it happened unbidden. His mind taunted him with the fact that he had fallen for her, body and soul.

It nearly happened earlier than when it did, maybe a year after their first tryst. He remembers how his lips formed the first word as she ground her hips against his, rocking to a rhythm he couldn't hear and swathing the length of him in her moist heat. He nearly said it, and it made her pause when his moan of the first of three words made its way past his lips.

He remembers the curious: "What'd you say, Levi?"

He wishes he hadn't lied.

He told her it was nothing, and she continued with a shrug. Since then, he bit those words back every time they came tumbling from his throat. Sometimes during their passionate exchanges, and other times when they were just sitting there, looking up at the stars, or in bed, hesitantly cuddling despite how comfortable they were with one another.

He held them back out of fear, as if saying those three, special words would suddenly allow fate to play its cruel hand and take her from him. And then he _finally_ failed to hold it back.

It was the best night of his life.

•

•

They've been doing this for nearly a couple years now, sneaking off after dinner or between drills to find a secluded corner for a quick shag. Hasty, clumsy unbuckling of belts and popping of buttons so he can buck up into her warmth and bring her to a gasping release against a wall or propped up on a table.

Erwin's caught them once - outside his office, as a matter of fact - and Levi has never, _ever_ been more embarrassed in his entire life. But that's beside the point, because Hanji is _here_ , and she's _warm_ and she's _soft._ Her body writhing against his, quiet moans spilling forth from her mouth, and the swell of her ass tucked _perfectly_ against him.

He rhythmically rocks his hips, trailing his lips up the expanse of her spine as far as he can reach, just under her shoulderblades, before trailing them back down and biting gently at her skin. She gasps at the sensation, and he grunts as she bucks backwards into him. All the while his roaming hands brush against her breasts and her stomach.

"Levi... _ah!"_ she tosses her head back, one of her shaking arms comes up with it to reach for him. But she's unable to reach him, so she brings it back down and buries her face in the pillow. He thrusts once more against her before he pulls out with a sigh. He needs to kiss her, to hold her, to feel her breath against his ear, to see her face when she cums.

She gets the message immediately, dropping her hips and rolling seamlessly onto her back with her legs spread in wait of him. The mattress dips and he nearly loses his balance, eliciting snickers of almost drunken delight from her. He retaliates by covering her body with his own and capturing her lips. And he presses his length back into the swathing warmth between her legs yet again. She hums, snaking her tongue into his mouth. Moaning when he slips a finger into her slick folds to fondle the bundle of sensitive nerves there and help her along.

She digs into the plane of his back with her short, slightly jagged nails, making him hiss at the added sparks of pain to the unadulterated pleasure of their joining. He breaks away from her intoxicating mouth to press his forehead against her collarbone, a grunt hissing past his teeth when her walls convulse around him. Her spine arches off the mattress, and the sweet, erect buds of her breasts brush lightly against his chest.

He speeds his pace.

He loves this, he loves _everything_ about it. He loves the way her skin sheens with sweat (a phrase he will never utter to a single soul), loves the way she gasps and whines, body rolling up to meet his thrusting hips. He loves the way she looks when she hits her breaking point, mouth opening into a soft O and body jerking lightly, a soft moan, accompanied by her eyes screwing shut in pleasure. He loves that soft contentment when she opens her brown, chocolate-y eyes.

He loves _her._

And the wave of pleasure from his own release is enough to coax those words from his lips.

" _God_ I love you."

She goes completely still, breath controlled and her eyes trained onto his face. His skin is burning with the intensity of her stare.

' _Shit.'_

_'Shit, shit...shit!'_

"What?" she breathes, voice shuddering.

He releases the breath he didn't realize he was holding in, and it comes out as a strangled, panicked noise that he never realized he could make. "Nothing, I didn't _say_ anything." he finally meets her gaze in the hopes that she'll be convinced if he looks at her.

But alas, she's too smart, he can see it in her eyes. She blinks, twisting under him as she frowns, "Levi, what did you _say?"_ she grips his shoulders when he tries to pull away, and despite his obvious upper hand in the department of muscle, he can't bring himself to try anymore than what he already has. She will make him tell her either way.

"I don't...I didn't say anything." he repeats, but she sees through his lie easily.

"Tell me."

"Hanji, I swear-"

She sits up, flipping their positions and making him grunt when she clenches around his flaccid length with the movement. _"Tell me."_

"No."

"Levi, I swear I will fucking _murder_ you."

"I'd like to see you try."

"You know I could, and I would. Tell. Me. _Now."_ she hisses, grabbing his chin and turning his stubborn face to look at her. "Levi, if you don't tell me I'm not letting you fuck me for a _month."_ she warns.

He raises a brow, a cocky smirk tugging at his lips. She almost always instigates sex, and he knows she'll go just as insane as he would without it. "That's a hollow threat, and you know it." he retorts, shuffling under her.

She leans closer to his lips, rocking her hips when he starts to harden and throb inside her again. "Try me." she murmurs, taking his bottom lip between her teeth and nipping at the swollen skin. "Now...tell me." she murmurs against his neck, latching onto his collarbone and sucking hard enough to be almost painful. He grunts when she gives a particularly tantalizing thrust of her hips. "Or else."

He bites his lip to muffle his moan, and then the reminder that she just bit him in the same place makes him twitch inside her. She feels it, he can tell by the smile that she presses into his neck. And she speeds her movements, pulling a reluctant, strangled gasp from his vocal chords. Her fingers trail down his sides, making him shiver and twist under her, and she gently drags her teeth over the fresh, puckering mark she's just left on his neck.

And then...she pulls away.

She pulls away _completely,_ stepping off the bed and picking up her clothes. He gasps, not entirely believing what she's just done. He stares at the ceiling for a solid ten seconds before he comes to his senses. "F-fuck...fuck...Hanji?" he sits up, trying to ignore the painful throb of the stifled release she's left him with.

"Hmm?" she wriggles her hips as she pulls her woolen undergarments on, and the sight of his seed (or her arousal) sliding down her inner thigh in a perfect little droplet makes him groan again and flop back against the pillow.

"Hanji!" he is ashamed of the whine, but he can barely move cause of her blueballing him...and she is leaving, and...shit! "Please just...oh, fuck!" he hisses again as he moves, "Hanji... _wait."_

She grabs the doorknob, turning to smile sweetly as she turns it as slowly as she dares. _"Hmmmm?"_ she drawls, turning back to the door and making the knob click open.

"Fuck you. _Ah!_ Fuck you, Hanji..." he curses under his breath, swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress, "I fucking love you! Okay? Can you please just come back here?"

She pauses, letting go of the doorknob and leaving her hand to hover there while she turns to look over her shoulder once more, "Say it again."

He palms his face, "Can you come here first?" he gestures to himself and gives her a pained, pleading expression.

She grins, pulling her pants and underwear down with one fluid movement. She re-locks the door, walking over and letting him tug her hips closer so he can bury his face against the toned skin of her clothed stomach, his hands kneading softly at her thighs. He lifts her shirt and kisses the skin he reveals, sighing and pulling her even closer. "You still need to say it again." she coaxes, and he nods against her skin. She allows him to pull her back into bed, and he lays her against the pillow, kissing her neck lazily.

"I love you..." he murmurs in a gasp against her neck as he fills her with his throbbing length again.

"You sure?" she huffs out a laugh.

He kisses her, pulling back too quickly for her tastes, and then re-burying his face in her neck, "I love you." he says it with more finality than the last two times, but not as much as he had the first time.

"Levi..." she breathes, lifting her hips up to meet his slow, tantalizing thrusts. She soon hooks her ankles behind his thighs and rolls them over again, smiling tenderly. She kisses him, moving ever so slowly, and he pants, gripping tightly enough onto her hips that he's certain to leave bruises. Though he knows she doesn't mind, she always says something like: _"-means I did a good job._ " or some dumb shit like that.

"You love me?" she questions, and he closes his eyes as her breath fans over his face, brows screwing together in a pleasured groan before he pulls it together long enough to pry his lids open and look her in the eye.

"Yes." he bites his lip, every nerve in his body alight with the fire she's feeding every time she moves.

"Well...in _that_ case-" she pants, grasping both his hands and interlacing their fingers together, smiling softly as she leans forward to kiss him. He bucks up into her erratically, and she stills for him when he chokes on his breath and spills for the final time that night. "-I love you _too."_ she presses her forehead to his as he shudders and relaxes beneath her.

She pulls off of him and wipes her bangs from her sweaty forehead. All the while he catches his breath and watches her, not moving from the position she left him in. She gets a cloth and cleans herself, of which he keeps plenty around because he knows how much she hates having sticky thighs. And she slips his loose shirt on before she returns to bed, making the mattress dip and lurch as she nudges his side and coaxes him into moving.

"You know-"

"You didn't finish." he interrupts, voice shaky despite the control he's managed to retake in the past minute or so. And she sighs with a smile as he tugs her closer by her hips, caressing her arm and sliding his hand down the curves of her stomach. But he stops when she grabs his wandering hand and brings it to her lips, kissing his knuckles and reaching out to stroke his cheek with her other hand. "You can take care of _that_ in the morning." she murmurs.

He slumps, honestly a little relieved, usually he only needs one round with her. But he's got to count their early morning romp that day, and along with the two just now: he's _exhausted._ "Okay." he pulls her in anyways, pressing his forehead against her clothed sternum and gently kissing her there.

"I was going to say-" she begins, and he swipes his thumb around in a circle on her hip to let her know he's listening. "-I've been waiting for you to say that."

He hums, leaning into her hand when it threads through his damp, sweaty hair. "I wanted to for a while." he murmurs in reply.

She gently grips his hair and turns his face so he'll look at her, "Why _didn't_ you?"

He blinks, uncertain if he's ready to answer a question like that. And she sags when she sees that he's not going to answer tonight. "I've had a little too much emotions for one night, Hanji...I'll tell you when I feel I can." he says with finality, and she sighs as he rolls onto his opposite side.

"Goodnight, I suppose." she breathes against his neck, he shivers at the warmth of her breath, and he looks over his shoulder incredulously when she tugs him into her.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

She pulls him closer, throwing a leg over his, "It's called spooning, Short-stack."

He deadpans, though his irritation towards the nickname has been somewhat lacking as of late. Since they've begun their coital adventures, as a matter of fact. "Whatever, Shitty-glasses." he retorts.

" _And_ he's back!" she chuckles, yelping briefly and dissolving into more laughter when he whacks her arm.

•

•

He can't deny that night was embarrassing as it was fruitful, and to this day it's one of his fondest memories. Besides when he walked in on her in the bathroom for the first time, the look on her face will always be engraved into his memory. And that one time they got stuck out in the rain. That was a very fond memory as well. He's not sure why for a moment, but then he remembers that it was the day he opened up entirely to her.

She had already opened up to him, over the course of the next expedition. Of which was inbetween the two events. She lost her squad, for the fourth, maybe fifth time. Lots of tears and choked confessions of her fears were involved. But he prefers not to dwell on that memory too much.

It was maybe a month after the "I love you" incident when they got caught out in the rain. Hanji had somehow managed to convince him to join her on a little science trip. He never would have gone, had anyone else asked him. But this was Hanji, he would follow her into hell...

Well, actually...no he _wouldn't_ , because it is dirty and sooty and supposedly stinks of sulfur.

He'd follow her into rain though. Rain is okay, it smells nice, it makes the dirt and grass smell of earth and dew. The only downside is mud, and that one, terrible memory he rarely delves into that rain holds a significant role in. Although most of the time she's enough to distract him from that.

•

•

They really should have gone back the moment he spotted those clouds. But _NO!_ Hanji was determined to find this (apparently) _"super important herb"_ before the day was out. Okay, that might not have been her exact phrasing, but what can you do? It's not as if Levi could be expected to remember all those crazy Latin names she throws around.

Despite how much he loves her, there are still the sides of Hanji that bring him great irritation. Like now, when they are soaked and miserable and just walking in what she swears up and down is the direction of headquarters. But he knows she has absolutely no idea where they are, or which way they should be going. The rain is too thick to tell which direction is which.

"Hanji-"

"For the _last time!"_ she exclaims, "This is the right way, I marked it!" she twists in her saddle, her glasses fogged over and her hood giving way to the water.

He raises an unimpressed brow, taking in the atmosphere, their horses are two steps from exhaustion, they've been walking so long, and he's sick and tired of riding. The castle was only twenty minutes behind when they got caught in the storm. Obviously they are walking in the wrong direction. But he won't pester her. Even though she never even found that plant, whatever it's called, or did she? He doesn't know.

"Did we find what we were looking for?"

She holds out a jar that he can barely see into and grins, "Yep!"

He rolls his eyes, okay so she _did_ find it. Big deal, it doesn't change the fact that they're stuck out here until the rain lets up. And judging by the sky: that won't be for hours, or tomorrow, whichever. He spots a large, dark shape looming up ahead, and he kicks his heels into his horse's flanks as encouragement to speed up. "Over here, Hanji." he calls, heaving a sigh of relief at seeing the shape turn out to be an old abandoned windmill.

The building is overrun with vines and shrubbery on the outside, but he finds the door to be operational when he dismounts and tries at the rusted handle. And the inside is dry, absolutely perfect, at least something is going right today. He tugs the reins when his horse hesitates at the entrance, coaxing him inside and setting about removing the stallion's attire.

"Oh, lovely." he glances at Hanji at the sound of her voice. She looks around and pats her horse, copying his actions and following his lead when he stoops down for a handful of hay to rub the wet coat of his horse down with.

"It'll be better when we get dry...but we can't start a fire with all the hay in here." he looks at the floor with a contemplative scowl.

She moves to shut the door behind them, bathing the rotund room in darkness. "There's a second floor." she gestures up to where light streams down through a square in the ceiling. A short ladder leads up to the second floor through the square in the wood, obviously having used to have a hatch there.

He grabs his saddlebags, hoisting them over his shoulder and giving his horse's muzzle a parting pat. They leave the two equines to eat the hay and enjoy the dry room while he and Hanji climb to the second floor. "It's... _better_. No fireplace, unfortunately." he sighs, shrugging off his soaked, standard issue cloak and following suit with his black jacket.

"At least there are some windows." he turns to her as she speaks, "There's light, and I think there's a mattress over there. Might be old and moldy. But worst case scenario we can just use our bedrolls to sleep on."

He pauses in the process of unpacking the lunch from his saddlebag. "You brought your _bedroll?"_ he turns to ask incredulously.

She blinks, "You _didn't?"_

He groans and sits, "I thought this was going to be a quick trip, Hanji. Just there and back in an hour or two. I wasn't planning on camping out in a fucking _windmill_ cause a storm snuck up on us."

She chuckles, "I always prepare more than I need to, I suppose. I didn't really think about it." she drops her cloak to the floor and goes to inspect the mattress she spotted.

He watches, legs folded in and elbows propped on his thighs, as she pokes and prods at the mattress before supposedly deeming it seemly. She sits and bounces, testing it, "Seems clean enough, I don't know if it's good enough for you, I'll take the bedroll if it is." she says, swiping her hand over the fabric and inspecting it for dirt and dust.

"Or we could share." he murmurs, and she glances up in surprise, "Not like we haven't before." he adds in a smug smirk.

She blushes, and he logs that sight away in his memory, especially the way she tucks her bags behind her ear and crosses her arms under her breasts. "Yeah, I suppose so." she smiles softly.

He glances at the jar with the plant she had apparently hunted down before the rain started. "Say, what exactly were we after today? Met Pluggum or something?" he says, failing horribly to remember the name she had ranted of that morning.

 _"Mentha Pelugium."_ she laughs heartily as she corrects him.

"Right, whatever." he sighs, wiping the water from his forehead, "What's it for?"

She goes silent, twisting a strand of her hair between her fingers and hugging her arm to her chest with her opposite hand. "Umm..." she murmurs, "The common name is _Pennyroyal."_ she says pointedly, as if he's supposed to understand immediately what it's for.

And she's right to. He does, and he doesn't make much of it. "Oh." he says, glancing briefly at the floor, and then back to her, "For the women in the Corps?"

"For _me."_ she says, biting her lip and twiddling her fingers together.

He stiffens and glances at the plant, "Why? Are you-"

 _"No!"_ she exclaims with a nervous laugh and wide eyes, holding her hands up in assurance, "No, I mean, we're always so careful...except for last month." she trails off, "I _thought_ I was, my monthly was late this time...but it started, and it ended a few days ago." she explains, having moved her hands back to her lap.

He nods, the brief...excitement? Maybe _terror_ , of possible fatherhood has left his heart pounding loudly. "So, why do you need Pennyroyal, then?" he prods.

She shrugs, and he realizes she's shaking just slightly, "I was scared... _terrified."_ she says for starters, and he nods in agreement, the prospect alone is scary. "When it comes to Titans and my research...I don't know, it's important. Our work makes a difference, no matter how little, and if I were pregnant, I couldn't contribute." she sighs. "It's not as if a family isn't tempting, especially with _you."_

He feels his breath hitch at that, "Hanji-"

"But we can't afford to think about kids right now, not when humanity's needs outweigh our own wants." she continues.

"Hanji..." he says louder, catching her attention.

"Yeah?"

"Remember when you asked me why I waited? Waited to tell you I loved you?" he asks, gaze fixed on her glossy, dark brown eyes.

"Yes." she turns to face him fully, face full of tentative curiosity.

He scrapes his hair back and runs that same hand down his face, "I was scared too." he admits, "I was scared that once I finally admitted it to you, to myself, that I'd end up losing you just the same as I lost everyone else: Farlan, Isabel... _my mother_...so many squads I've honestly lost count." he scoffs.

"Levi-" she smiles.

"I didn't though. I didn't lose you. And I haven't yet...but I know that anytime we go out there, you could get too reckless and get killed." he slouches. "I'm glad I told you when I did, cause what if I had gone without telling you? What if you died and I _never_ got the chance to say how much you mean to me?"

"Levi..." she breathes the name, barely able to speak.

"I'm not much for words, you know that-" he continues, certain that if he stops now then he'll never finish, "-but what I'm trying to say is: we shouldn't put things off until things get better." he pauses, looking at the jar of Pennyroyal, and then back at her, "Do you _want_ a baby?"

She bites her lip, "Not yet." she answers quickly, that's a fact she was already sure of. "That's why I got the Pennyroyal."

He blinks stoically, "Are you sure?"

Hanji chuckles, "We're still young, Levi."

He stands, wiping his wet hair from his face again, "We won't be young _forever."_

"I know that." she looks back down at her lap.

"I'm not against it." he supplies.

She scoffs with a smile, "I know you aren't. And I'm glad of it, but I know for sure that I'm not ready for family yet." He nods, tugging his soaked shirt from his body. They hadn't equipped their 3DMG today, as it was a day off. A fact he's glad for, as it shaves minutes off the time it takes to undress. "It's not as if I'll _never_ be, especially if you're up for it. But like I said, while humanity needs us, and while I can contribute wholeheartedly, I want to...why are you stripping?"

He smirks, having just kicked his boots off, and is currently unbuckling his pants. "Why do you think?" he says pointedly, stepping closer and sitting on the mattress beside her.

"Didn't I just tell you-"

"It's not about that." he cuts her off with an uncharacteristically lighthearted chuckle, "I told you I'm not good with words..."

She nods, covering his hand with her own as he starts to work on the buttons of her shirt, "Many times." He pushes the cloth down her arms, kissing her as he leans into reach. "So what _is_ it about?" she murmurs against his lips when he pulls back.

"Hanji..." he sighs, "You need to stop talking, too many emotions." he sighs, trailing his mouth down the column of her neck and popping the button of her trousers with one hand.

"I _can't_ stop talking." she says, falling back with a soft grunt as he pushes against her. "You said yourself once, remember? Apparently I have this insatiable need to chatter until your ears fall o- _mmmph!"_

He cuts her off with a kiss, slipping his hand down the front of her pants and into the hidden warmth that resides there. She huffs into his mouth, and he shifts to give her room to kick her shoes off, "It's cold, there's your reason." he says as he helps her shimmy out of her pants, undergarments and all.

"Mmm..." she hums low, voice husky with want and need. He sits back on his haunches, lifting her leg up into his shoulder and pressing a kiss to the side of her knee. Then he trails down the inside of her thigh, tongue darting out to make her gasp in the spots he knows she likes. There's that one soft spot just beyond her knee, and then the thin scar midway down her thigh, and as of late, the hickey he left on the smooth skin _just_ beside the thatch of dark curls between her thighs.

He sucks lightly at the healing ring of color, pulling a soft moan from her lips. Now he moves his lips to her wetness and trails his tongue through it in one long, languid stroke that coaxes a choked, primal moan from her. Her hand reaches down to fist in his hair when he slips two fingers into her folds and circles his tongue on her clit.

"Shit... _ah!"_ she gasps, and the words send a pulse of arousal coursing down his spine. His blood rushes south with it, and he hums as he starts to throb with need. "Fuck... _Levi..."_ she moans as he adds a third finger and sucks lightly. Her hips jerk against his face, silently begging for more friction, and he pulls away. _"Levi!"_ she whines.

"Take that off." he gestures to her bra while he gets to his knees and pulls his pants down eagerly.

"Yes _Captain."_ she mocks, sitting up to pull the garment over her head.

He's over her in an instant, "How do you want this?" he asks, holding his weight up with one arm while he toys with her breast using the other.

She bites her lip, "You've never really asked before." she breathes, and he's about to say something, but she smiles warmly, and he forgets what he was going to say. She pulls her glasses off, gently setting them down on the floor beside the thin mattress before she rolls onto her belly beneath him. "Like this." she murmurs, lifting her hips only just enough to press back into his arousal and make his breath hitch.

He kisses her shoulder, aligning before he slips into her, and he stays there. She hums as he reaches under her to grasp one breast, and his lips graze her ear, his breath fanning over the side of her face and ruffling her bangs. He can't see her expression, but his mind's eye conjures that look of contentment he's seen so many times before, eyes shut in bliss and lips curved in a soft smile.

"I love you." he whispers.

"Then _show me."_ she challenges, and silence descends for a beat while he pulls back, "It's starting to get cold." she adds.

He can hear the smile in her voice, and he thrusts forward hard enough to make her gasp. Just the way they both like it. He hears her nails scrambling for purchase in the mattress, unfortunately devoid of a pillow her to grab instead. She moans and presses her face against the cloth when he sets a rhythm.

For a time, at least a minute, there is only the occasional clap of thunder. The hard pattering of icy rain against the thatched roof above them. Her soft moans and cries, unrestrained and primal. His breath, inhaling sharply and exhaling two times as much, hitching every so often when her walls clench around him with her impending climax on its way.

"Is it warm _now?"_ he murmurs against her neck, her body low enough to the soft surface they're on for him to reach up to there.

"Yeah..." she breathes, "Levi, _don't_ go slow." she pleads.

He hums and kisses her sweating skin, licking a bead of salty moisture away and thrusting his hips harder against her own. "Patience."

"Oh fuck... _ah!"_ she cries out, rocking her hips back into him. He's unsure if it's his voice or his increase of speed that caused her outburst, but her cry elicits a sharp throb of his length, and that warns him of his soon-impending release.

"Close, Hanji?" he asks in a hoarse groan, pressing his forehead to her spine.

"Yes...yes...a-ah _shit_..." she moans, and he takes that as his cue to reach between her legs, rubbing swift circles there. "Ah!" she gasps, and he grunts as her walls convulse around him and hold him in place.

He moves as soon as he's able, two, three... _five_ more thrusts and he's following her over the edge. She bucks up against him, helping him hilt and clenching her lower muscles around him purposefully. At least he thinks it's on purpose. Nonetheless she milks him of all he's worth, and he sighs heavily as he pulls out to lay beside her.

He feels bare when she opens her sated eyes, smiling as warmly as he's ever seen from her, and moving forward to kiss him. He's completely naked before her now. He's been like this before: physically. This is the first time mentally, and he hopes she is feeling this too, because that's not fair if she's not. She gets to her knees and clenches her thighs together, "Nothing to...ugh." she mumbles, reaching for her underwear and standing to slip it on.

He sits up and grabs his pants, pulling them on while she fetches the bedroll she packed. "I'll help you brew that Pennyroyal tomorrow. When we get back." he supplies, tugging her close and the blanket over their shoulders. They lie face-to-face, a rare event, as their preferred sleeping positions rarely allow it.

"Okay." she whispers, throwing a leg over his and nuzzling into the hand he touches to her cheek. "I love you too, by the way." she adds before she lets herself drift off. And he stays awake long afterwards, counting all the reasons he's lucky to have her in his sad, miserable life.

"I know that."

•

•

She's a snorer.

He sighs as he breaks out of his reminiscing stupor. She isn't loud, granted, but it's enough to interrupt his pleasant train of thought. Not that he really minds, it's getting late, and he needs to be up tomorrow. Rain makes everything humid and damp, and he's got to clean everything again so they don't get mold in the castle like last year.

He interlocks his fingers with hers, smiling secretly to himself as he shuffles closer to her. He really is the luckiest man alive to have her. Despite her quirks and their strange, backwards relationship, they've really gotten along well over the years.

Backwards in the manner that they started out physically, rather than emotionally. They started out with walls and locks and barred doors, skipping past all the usual shit most couples pick at least a little bit before they move on. And they saved those for later, developing trust and patience before they unlocked the doors and broke down the mental walls.

They have become rocks for one another. Someone you can always count on to be there when you briefly lose the mask that the Survey Corps makes you build and break down. She's needed him for it more often than he has needed her, but the difference is still the same.

And he wouldn't change a _thing._

**Author's Note:**

> *:･ﾟ✧ (◕ヮ◕)*:･ﾟ✧ 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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